Welcome! Whether you are new to non-monogamy or veteran there are some questions that come up all the time. We hope this can be a useful resource for you and those in your life who are curious.
Is this a dating site?
No. Poly Cleveland is a social group focused on community and self growth. We do have a few events that are “flirt friendly”. Those events are clearly marked and we do outline rules and expectations for those events to ensure our members feel safe.
How do I find a date/partner?
First, it important to be honest with yourself regarding bandwidth and time. Do you have the time to go out, engage in hobbies, and do things you enjoy? If the answer is no, you probably don’t have time to create and nurture new connections.
If the answer is yes, you should do those things! Engage with others and have meaningful conversations in a situation where you can be your best self. We find that this is where meaningful connections naturally occur.
For online dating, we recommend OKCupid. If you use Chrome, install the browser extension OKCupid (for the Non-Mainstream User). This will help filter people with profiles that match keywords related to non-monogamy. Finally, we recommend everyone read and apply the principles outlined in No Dick Pics. It’s a short read (about an hour) with potential for big impact.
If the answer is yes, you should do those things! Engage with others and have meaningful conversations in a situation where you can be your best self. We find that this is where meaningful connections naturally occur.
For online dating, we recommend OKCupid. If you use Chrome, install the browser extension OKCupid (for the Non-Mainstream User). This will help filter people with profiles that match keywords related to non-monogamy. Finally, we recommend everyone read and apply the principles outlined in No Dick Pics. It’s a short read (about an hour) with potential for big impact.
When should I tell a potential partner that I'm non-monogamous?
If you are using a dating app, it should be clearly listed in your profile and it should be part of the initial conversations. If non-monogamy is a deal breaker for anyone you may match with, it is important to acknowledge before any deep emotional connections are created.
If you are talking to someone “in the wild,” there is no easy or best answer for when to bring it up in conversation. Be sure to consider your environment. Be honest about your relationship with non-monogamy when there is romantic interest or intent expressed from either party. Once again, if non-monogamy is a deal breaker for anyone you may connect with, it is important to acknowledge before any deep emotional connections are created.
If you are talking to someone “in the wild,” there is no easy or best answer for when to bring it up in conversation. Be sure to consider your environment. Be honest about your relationship with non-monogamy when there is romantic interest or intent expressed from either party. Once again, if non-monogamy is a deal breaker for anyone you may connect with, it is important to acknowledge before any deep emotional connections are created.
How do I deal with jealousy?
Jealousy can be thought of as umbrella term. There are a wide range of experiences and emotions tied up in the word – fear of abandonment, replacement, envy, feeling left out or neglected. It is important to do a self and situational evaluation when that word comes up! As the author Page Turner of Poly.Land put it, jealousy is a check engine light and requires timeliness and care else you face a hefty cost. There are some wonderful tools available from Polyamory Weekly that can help you learn how to identify, dissect, and handle jealous emotions. Check out their articles on the jealousy toolbox: “and then what” exercise, and discuss, distract, do.